Marcel Proust
10 living people I am grateful for.
- My Heavenly Father and My Savior Jesus Christ.
I put them together because there are of one heart and one purpose. I find it reassuring to know I have heavenly parents who love me perfectly (even if I can't fully understand it). I can't help but be in awe and rejoice in the fact that I have an Elder Brother who loved me enough to suffer and die for my sins, so that someday (if I'm worthy) I can be with my heavenly parents again. I exists because they do, my life has meaning because of them. When I have no one in the world to lean on I have them, and they never fail to love me, support me, calm my troubled soul, and bring me peace.
The Mr. and I are coming up on 11 years of marriage. Not really a long time in the eternal spectrum of things, but long enough for me to see what a momentous and life altering presence my husband has been. There have been times in our 11 years of marriage where I have wanted things to be different. There have been times I thought we'd might not make it another year, but those were always the times when I was choosing to look at what makes us different. Sometimes I get so blinded (and emotional) about our differences that's all I can see and feel. I don't pretend to know what life will throw at us as we continue our journey together, or the way we will handle our challenges, but what I do know is time has blessed me with a different perspective of our marriage and what my husband means to me. I'm eternally grateful for our 11 years of marriage and for the person he has helped shape me into. I'm eternally grateful for the 4 wonderful children we have been given. Time has showed me how lucky I am to have Derik as my husband. He takes care of our family, we never go without. He is always thinking of ways to surprise someone with something they want. He is determined and he never quits. He faces his fears. I think he is as sexy if not more so than the day I first saw him. He loves the Gospel. Just when I think I know him inside out, he does unexpected things and acts in ways that surprise me. He can be quite mysterious at times and I am always learning and growing when I am near him.
My mother and I don't share the typical best friends mother daughter relationship. I love my mother fiercely and I know she loves me too. Somewhere along the way there was this great gulf of misunderstandings and hurt feeling between the two of us. She perceived (and at times still does) that I did/do not love her, and I thought (and at times still do) I was only a burden to her, that I was not enough. I don't write this to make either of us to feel guilty about the way things were or are, we each felt the way we did for a reason. I think time has made me realize it wasn't my mother (or my father or my husband or my friends) that made me feel like I wasn't enough. I made myself feel that way. But I spent a great deal of my life blaming these people for the way I felt. I can't change the past or the complicated dance it causes between me and the people I love but I can grow from it. I can let my mother know I don't blame her for my feelings and that I'm sorry it has made things hard for us. I can let my mother know that when I think of her I think of love. I think of all the times she told me I was a spoke in the wheel (or that I was important) even when I was probably behaving terribly towards her and I know I only ever wanted to be a mother because of her example. I think my mother is beautiful,both inside and out. I think my mother is a great example someone I strive to be like.
They bring me my greatest joy. They each of have a way of breaking my spirit too, and yet I wouldn't have them any other way. I know God gives us children so we can be like him, so we can understand why He gives us rules and law, so we can feel love like He does. So we can learn to know what it's like to want and hope for the best for our children.
Dylan is my sweet-hearted, emotional, social, fun loving child, he finds joy in simple things, he has my ability to remember facts. He has a very free spirit that blows him from here to there. Working hard is hard for Dylan, he finds it difficult to focus on things for long, and like his mother just longs to be understood and loved in spite of it all. He gives love very freely whether or not it is reciprocated. He is a friend to whoever will let him be. He is very creative and imaginative.
Alivia, whom we joke should have been born first, has a very motherly authoritative kind of soul. She does things right the first time and is there to make sure everyone else is doing the same. She likes a challenge. She has a very decided opinion and can put up quite the fight when things don't go her way. If she gets something stuck in her head there's no changing her path. She responds well to praise and is easily motivated. She is dramatic and she knows how to lay it on thick when it will benefit her. She loves her daddy they are two peas in a pod.
Isaac, he's our funny man. He's very curious and mischievous. He's clever and very quick on his feet. There always seem to be a twinkle in his eye. He's our middle road child, he hardly ever swings to either end of the emotional spectrum, he is loving but not overly so. He can be active, but he knows how to sit still too. He is easy going. I'm convinced even though we are not a sports family, that he is destined to be a line backer. The kid is one solid mass and he's not afraid to use that mass to get where he needs to be, or to move someone standing in his way.
My mother, my father my brothers, my sisters.
They each mean the world to me for different reasons. Each has characteristics I love and envy and strive to have myself. They are all so different and each of them give me a unique perspective on life, each of them give me a different way of seeing the world.
I have the best in-laws I really do. While Derik's mother passed away many years ago and his father in not a part of the picture I have Derik's Aunt and Grandmother and Ernie of course as in-laws and I couldn't have it any better. They'd give me the shirt off their backs if I needed it. They are hardworking, giving and loving.
The Walkers are not only fantastic friends, but they were there for my husband when he really needed them. Joe Sr. was the father figure Derik didn't have. Joe Jr. was his best friend. They are one of the neatest family's I know and I am grateful that they have loved and welcomed me into the family too. They have had lots of challenges and yet they love each other deeply and I hope to have a family like that someday.
God's mouthpiece and someone I look to for guidance and direction. What an example of a selfless man.
I have had a few very good friends in my lifetime and I can't single out just one of them.
Marcie, Mimi, Lindsey, and Stacie, I love each of you and I cherish your friendship.
Working for my Uncle and his family run business for six and a half years blessed me with the opportunity to get to know a lot of my extended family members on a daily basis. Some of those cousins are my very best friends now because of that opportunity. While business and family don't always mix well and things got ugly at times and hard feelings exist between family members because of it, I will forever cherish the memories and friendships I was able to make.
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