It's cold outside, (52 degrees in fact) and it's raining. Just two days ago the high was 99 degrees and rain seemed like a distant and almost forgotten occurrence. Right now as I'm writing this Hurricane Gustav is making landfall somewhere along the Louisiana border.
As exciting as the weather is, I really didn't start this post to rave about the weather, because even though the weather is changing, so is my life.
In two days Dylan starts school and everything about my life is going to have to change. For the last five years of my life I have had the privilege of staying at home with my kids. Every minute of every day I got to do what ever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Any one who knows me, knows I have my own free spirited ways of doing things. My kids have never really had a bed time, we like to play at night and sleep in, in the mornings. We lolly gag around all day. Eating and getting ready for the day aren't prerequisites for us, but rather a formality to be taken care of when I feel like getting around to it.
Something about me has always had a distaste for the monotonous and schedule events of life. I guess they make me feel like life is to overwhelming and predictable. I have a little rebellious side to me that hates being told when, where, and what to do. I avoid structure like it was the plague! Outside looking in, I'm sure everyone can see that my disordered life is often the cause of a lot of my grief.
So I cannot help but wonder how it is I'm suddenly going to get into the groove of a scheduled life. There have been times in my life where I have wanted structure and order to my life. I have tried making schedules for our family and myself. But in the end I'm the only one stretching and trying to make it work, and I burn out, because let's face it I'm lazy! Why fight Dylan, Alivia, Derik and myself to follow a schedule I have created, when I can just stay in my little unorganized life and not worry about fighting anyone.
I'm LAZY....
So I have to go from total "lazy mom" to a mom who has to.....
Walk Dylan to and from school every day. That means I have to get my sorry butt out of bed (no matter how late it was when I finally fell asleep) and get myself and Dylan and Alivia out the door by 7:40 AM. I know some of you are snickering about that one, because 7:40 isn't really that early right....It's early for me, especially when I stay up half the night just trying to fall asleep! It's early when I have to get everyone of us up and dressed and fed and be gone by 7:40. Even when I didn't have kids getting to my job at 8:00 am sometimes proved impossible.
But getting up isn't my only worry although I think it's what I'll struggle with the most, but, then there's the fact that I can't let things slide like I used to. You know I'm going to have to do things like laundry on a more regular basis, no more letting it pile up until we have nothing left to wear. Then there's the fact that I'm going to actually have to remember that I have a kid in school and schedule my church and personal activities around it. Along with getting up early goes going to bed early, and so it is I'll have to implement a bed time routine.
And if all that doesn't make me want to sit down and cry then I have to deal with all the emotions a mom goes through the first time she sends her child off to school. I wonder if he'll make friends, and if he does if they will be a good influence, I wonder if he's going to be able to sit still for a full day of school when all his life all he's ever done is run from one thing to the next. I wonder if he'll get into trouble and if he'll tell stories about all his mother's shortcomings. I wonder if he'll understand what it is he's being taught, or whether or not he'll be a good student. I worry about how I'm going to handle all day without him to distract Alivia.
That little girl is into mischief all the time. I can't do a single thing without her ruining something. Without Dylan here to distract her from her rampages, I'm not sure if either of us are going to get through this stage with out some serious scuffles.
So it's with a lot of trepidation and anxiety that I get to embark on this new journey of change, but whether I like it or not, Dylan is starting school on Wednesday, and I guess all I can hope for is a lot of luck and some serious strength to overcome my own laziness.
3 comments:
There is a silver lining to everything, right? Think of it as alone quality time with Alivia. Just like you had with Dylan before Alivia was born. Dylan is going to be great and do great things! You have to have faith in him. I won't lie to you, sending your first child into that big old world we live in is very scary and intimidating, but trust yourself that you have taught him the things he needs to know. Just remind Dylan who he is every day...not just Dylan Giovannoni, but that he is a child of God and in the end that is all that matters. Good Luck! and Dylan have a great first day of kindergarten!
We love you.
So, I was reading this post last night before bed....and what do you know, I have a dream about a tornado!
Anyway, don't fret about having a little stability in your life. You may decide you like it and are a natural at it.
You are going to be fine and everything will work out. You will see. I am like you in regards to the getting up in the morning thing and having a schedule. But hey-if this commitment phobe can do it than you can too! Dylan going to school is going to be better than you thought. Besides, if Alivia is driving you nuts then send her down to play with Ella. The distraction would be nice!
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