To Run or Not to Run

So I have talked on and on about wanting to run the Moab Half Marathon this coming spring and I would like to pose a question to all you folks out there in blogging land who dare frequent his little blog.
To run or not to run? What should I do?
The more searching I do the more I'm inclined to think I'm not up for the challenge. I have been attempting to run these last three months or so (although I have never been consistent or very committed) and I haven't made much progress (which is only to be expected). Whenever I get online and read up on training programs I find that I'm not anywhere near fit enough to try and attempt running a half. I have just under six months to try to prepare myself physically for a 13.1 mile run, whom of you out there thinks I can do it?
In the end all that really matters is whether or not I think I can do it, that I know, but sometimes I'm the kind of person that needs a lot of encouragement. Not to mention that I have to commit to this marathon in the next few weeks so that I can register, or wait another year.
Here are a few reasons why I originally intended to run the Moab Half Marathon

1. I wanted to accomplish something that would help me to become healthier and stronger.
2. I thought training for this would get me in the daily habit of exercising and taking care of my body.
   
3. I thought it a challenge I could take on and not die from (I hope)
   
4. My mom is attempting to run the Moab Half and I would love to do it with her

Being quite honest with myself, I'm pretty darn sure I'm not entirely up to this challenge. But then there's the part of me that likes to be pushed to do the impossible, that likes to think that no matter what my stubborn disposition could get me through anything.
I probably would have blindly signed up for the race without a moments hesitation a month or so ago, because I was in the frame of mind where I had fooled myself into thinking I wasn't in that bad of shape. I know I have weight to lose and that there would be lots of training I had to do, but I thought I could do it.... That was until I attempted to hike Timp a few weeks back. Never ever in my life did I think my body was going to fail more than I did that day. I was totally wiped out after only like 2 miles of hiking. All in all, it took me all day to do the 14 miles and I hurt almost every step of the way. So it got me thinking....Dangerous I know....Just how am I supposed to RUN 13.1 miles when I can't even walk it without wanting to die. I know that hiking and running are two different creatures and that each has it's challenging moments and that the two shouldn't be compared, but you can't blame me for realizing just how out of shape I am, and for wondering why I had ever thought I could so casually do this race without really putting in a good effort.
And here is where my problem lies, in my effort. I'm all noble in my head to the idea of pushing myself towards something that seems so impossible to grasp, I'm all excited just thinking that I could push myself to do something so out of the box for me. But my brain and my body just aren't in the same arena. It's so easy to imagine myself running breathlessly easy all 13.1 miles and crossing that finish line triumphant and proud. If it were up to my brain I'd do this, but unfortunately my brain isn't going to be doing the running, my poor neglected body will be though! It screams at me every time I try and push myself and I don't like being screamed at!
Running certainly wasn't a gift or passion bestowed upon me, I find it awkward and embarrassing to be honest. I'm slow, incredibly slow and yet I feel like I work so hard. I really do feel like the tortoise in the story of the tortoise and the hare, except I usually walk away in shame before I cross the finish line.
So why do I attempt to run? I'm not exactly sure. I had some success some years back with it and I think I stubbornly cling to things I have had some good luck with. Without trying to be monotonous (since I already stated this in my earlier post) I once heard a woman say she was going to continue running until she liked it, and it resonated with me. Maybe because I've never really liked running the way I think one should. Derik is a runner, and he makes it sound so trying and yet so exhilarating and glorious that I cannot help but wonder why I don't feel that way when I run.
Call me vain if you like, but once Derik told me (clear back when we were dating) about how him and an old girlfriend used to go running together and how much he enjoyed it. I'll never forget that starry eyed look in his eyes! Although Derik has never brought it up since we were married I'm haunted by the memory of those starry eyes and the good memories he has. It still gets under my skin sometimes, not because I'm jealous of the old girlfriend or the good times they had, but the fact that I'm pretty sure we've never had those kind of happy memories or common goals and passions. So even though I find running awkward and embarrassing and very challenging, I guess I hope someday I'll overcome all that and Derik and I can run the Boardwalk together.