It's Tuesday

And the truth is...

• I'm  SO SO GLAD my son started school today.  More glad than most moms probably are.  Does that make me sound horrible or what?  But it's true.  He needed it, I needed it! With our lives in disarray, school shines to me like a bright shiny beaker.  Alivia has made it her goal in life to torment her older brother and the constant hours and hours of teasing and fighting summer afforded us, was more than any mother should have to bare by herself.  For the first time in 3 months there is peace and quiet in the house.  I am loving every second of it!  
• Our family house hunting trip to Houston was a nightmare.  Longest most emotionally draining week of my life.  Nothing worked out, nothing! 
• I'm human and I'm weak.  The problems and trials I'm facing are small considering what I could be facing, but they are grinding me down, none-the-less.  I've begged and pleaded and done the best I know how to do what is right to make these stupid problems go away, but they aren't and I'm struggling to understand what it is I need to do or learn so that I can move on!
• I want answers and direction and guidance.  An aimless life is a miserable one and right now I very much feel like my life is aimless.  
• I've gained back almost 10 of the 25 pounds I worked so hard to lose.  
• With so much free time on my hands lately and what feels like an eternal trial on-going, I've began to realize things about myself.  Things I don't like.  I could list lots of superficial things I don't like about myself, because there are many, but these things are much deeper and they hurt much more.  I can change the superficial things, (temporarily, medically, socially) but how do I change who I am inside and how I operate, react and internalize things?  
• One day I'll look back at these words and I'll sigh and smile at how much I over complicate my life.  I'll say to myself, "look dear it all worked out"!  Until then I guess I'll just write and pray and ask for help in getting through it all.