Having a newborn is hard for me. No matter how good the baby is and no matter what my circumsatances are, I cannot escape the wild anxiety that accompanies my recovery from expectant mother to mother of a newborn.
Since I have a feeling I cannot escape from these feelings, I'm trying my best to learn from them.
I almost wonder if they aren't a divine gift that helps me to remember just how dependent I am on the Lord and His mercy and blessings.
Each night as I hold my son I think about how glad I am to have a place to live in which I can keep him sheltered and warm. I silently thank the Lord for his goodness in allowing us to have employment and health insurance.
I think about how our family has always had enough for our needs and that we have never had to go without.
I think about my mother a lot. I think about our journey as mother and daughter, and I wonder if my children will love me as much as I love my mom. I can look back now and see the endless sacrifices and love she offered me and I hope just a shred of her goodness will shine through in me.
I think about my husband and his sacrifices for our welfare. I'm almost ashamed to say that I so easily forget just how much that man means to me. What he provides me with is irreplaceable! He challenges me, he rouses my deepest emotions, he thinks so differently from me, and yet he seems to be the refining fire I so desperately need. I love his commitment to our faith and I'm glad that he always presses forward, no matter the challenge. I feel privileged that I get to snuggle up next to him each night knowing full well that he will do whatever needs to be done to take care of me and our children.
I think about the kindness my neighbors have shown and I'm humbled. Meals and gifts and well-wishes flooded our home when Isaac was born. And I remembered why I knew we just had to move into this little place. Stacie, Jerry, Gloria, Abbie, Rochelle, and Caroline, you ladies are such wonderful examples to me of what a good friend and neighbor should be. Thank you so much.
Look at this cute poster my Activity Day girls made me....
I think about how much the Lord has done and continues to do for me (and my family) and I'm humbled...and a little sickened.
I think about how far I fall short in almost everything I do. I think about all the people I have hurt, I think about the mistakes I make daily and repeatedly and I'm so ashamed.
And then I think about all the messages I heard during General Conference this past weekend and my heart feels full. I know I have a Savior who suffered for my bad choices and is willing to love and forgive me if I just ask him to. I think about his love for me and how I need to echo that love to my own children when they repeatedly do things they know they shouldn't. I think about how My Heavenly Father has blessed me in spite of myself and how desperately I need to extend that same love and forgiveness to those around me.
I think that in spite of all my imperfections the Lord was kind enough to bless me with another sweet spirit and I'm glad He did, even if it means feeling really inadequate and unworthy.
Since I have a feeling I cannot escape from these feelings, I'm trying my best to learn from them.
I almost wonder if they aren't a divine gift that helps me to remember just how dependent I am on the Lord and His mercy and blessings.
Each night as I hold my son I think about how glad I am to have a place to live in which I can keep him sheltered and warm. I silently thank the Lord for his goodness in allowing us to have employment and health insurance.
I think about how our family has always had enough for our needs and that we have never had to go without.
I think about my mother a lot. I think about our journey as mother and daughter, and I wonder if my children will love me as much as I love my mom. I can look back now and see the endless sacrifices and love she offered me and I hope just a shred of her goodness will shine through in me.
I think about my husband and his sacrifices for our welfare. I'm almost ashamed to say that I so easily forget just how much that man means to me. What he provides me with is irreplaceable! He challenges me, he rouses my deepest emotions, he thinks so differently from me, and yet he seems to be the refining fire I so desperately need. I love his commitment to our faith and I'm glad that he always presses forward, no matter the challenge. I feel privileged that I get to snuggle up next to him each night knowing full well that he will do whatever needs to be done to take care of me and our children.
I think about the kindness my neighbors have shown and I'm humbled. Meals and gifts and well-wishes flooded our home when Isaac was born. And I remembered why I knew we just had to move into this little place. Stacie, Jerry, Gloria, Abbie, Rochelle, and Caroline, you ladies are such wonderful examples to me of what a good friend and neighbor should be. Thank you so much.
Look at this cute poster my Activity Day girls made me....
I think about how much the Lord has done and continues to do for me (and my family) and I'm humbled...and a little sickened.
I think about how far I fall short in almost everything I do. I think about all the people I have hurt, I think about the mistakes I make daily and repeatedly and I'm so ashamed.
And then I think about all the messages I heard during General Conference this past weekend and my heart feels full. I know I have a Savior who suffered for my bad choices and is willing to love and forgive me if I just ask him to. I think about his love for me and how I need to echo that love to my own children when they repeatedly do things they know they shouldn't. I think about how My Heavenly Father has blessed me in spite of myself and how desperately I need to extend that same love and forgiveness to those around me.
I think that in spite of all my imperfections the Lord was kind enough to bless me with another sweet spirit and I'm glad He did, even if it means feeling really inadequate and unworthy.
1 comment:
Michelle, I read your blog and I am inspired! Thank you for writing and for sharing with the world your thoughts and your feelings. I always look forward to getting a snapshot of your life via your blog.
Isaac looks amazing and I hope you are recovering quickly and feeling well. Lots of Love!!!
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