The Last Six Months

I have been building.
I've been scheming and designing.
I've bought bottle after bottle of sample paint trying to find that just perfect color to paint my walls with.
I've dreamed.
I've let go of dreams.
I've planted a garden.  I'm watching it grow.
I've started and erased several updates on this blog.
I've whined about never leaving my house, or doing anything.
I've whined even harder when I've actual have to get ready and go somewhere.
I've mumbled, moaned and groaned about the monotony of cleaning the same things and cooking the same things and listening to the same whining or fighting from my children.
I've felt overwhelmed, under qualified and at a lose when it comes to being a good wife and mother.
I've had great moments of joy.
I've had anxiety filled nights.
For some strange reason I can no longer sleep on my stomach (and if I do I awake completely paralyzed from a pinched nerve).  So I toss and turn all night long trying to find some kind of position that is comfortable that won't leave me paralyzed and in agony.
I went through a phase where I put plain yogurt in everything I ate.
I put together an exercise program for myself and then I never did it.
I still struggle with feeling like I live on another planet and that I'm totally alone.
I've entertained home schooling my children.  I loathe the language and values and ideas that my children are exposed to while at school down here.  
I've tried not to give into the dread that is slowly creeping into my heart about spending another long HOT summer here in Houston with restless kids and no-where to go.
I watched 202 episodes of the X-Files.
I was invited to be an arbitrator for family search.
I've had a couple of Crazy Michelle meltdowns.
I thought for a short while that we were going to be able to come back home to Utah and I'd be lying if I didn't say I really wanted that.  I scrubbed and patched walls and cleaned rooms and cupboards. I swung from absolute joy to total dread (about leaving) just about every five minutes.  There were times I felt so strongly we were going and there were times I knew we were staying. 
I was blessed with peace and contentment when the decision was made to stay where we are.

I sure do hope it won't be six months again before I have something to write!