More Than Words

Bryan Dean "BJ" Benson

Last weekend our family lost this treasured young man. There have been several times I've begun to write about BJ and the loss we are all trying to deal with, but it never felt right and the proper words and thoughts just didn't seem to flow.
As I sat down this morning and looked out my window at the cold and snowy scene before me, I reflected back on the words, wisdom and love that were expressed at BJ's funeral and I wanted to write down some of the things I learned as I opened up my heart and I listened to what was being taught.
As I gathered with friends and family at BJ's viewing, I couldn't help but look around and feel like I am truly blessed to be a part of the Benson family. The love and bond that knits this family together is strong and uplifting and everything I hope to have as my family grows and branches out.
I watched many of the people I love, in some of their darkest hours, bare testimony of a Loving Heavenly Father and Savior, I watched them give prayers of gratitude and I was strengthened and uplifted by their examples. I was reminded why I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the hope it offers. I feel enormous amounts of gratitude for the Gospel in my life. I'm grateful to a family whose heritage is full of faithful and wonderful examples.
I was particularly touched by the love of a Father, whom just lost his son, who embraced me and held me and kissed me and told me how much he loved me, and gave me comfort when it should have been me doing those things. I've always loved you Bryan, always and as I watched the way you loved everyone through your grief, I was moved and touched by your example of love and selflessness.
I mourned as I listened to brothers and a sister, share the love they had for their oldest brother and just how much they'll miss him, and I was reminded of how much I treasure each of my brothers and sisters, even if we don't always see eye to eye.
I listened to a song that reminded me that sometimes everyone needs more than to hear the words I Love You, that showing and living the love you feel is just as important.
I was reminded of the great worth of one soul...
The Worth of Souls

"It is a wicked, wicked world in which we live and in which our children must find their way. Challenges of pornography, gender confusion, immorality, child abuse, drug addiction, and all the rest are everywhere. There is no way to escape from their influence.
"Some are led by curiosity into temptation, then into experimentation, and some become trapped in addiction. They lose hope. The adversary harvests his crop and binds them down.
"Satan is the deceiver, the destroyer, but his is a temporary victory.
"The angels of the devil convince some that they are born to a life from which they cannot escape and are compelled to live in sin. The most wicked of lies is that they cannot change and repent and that they will not be forgiven. That cannot be true. They have forgotten the Atonement of Christ.
" 'For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him' (D&C 18:11).
"Christ is the Creator, the Healer. What He made, He can fix. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of repentance and forgiveness (see 2 Nephi 1:13; 2 Nephi 9:45; Jacob 3:11; Alma 26:13-14; Moroni 7:17-19).
" 'Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God' (D&C 18:10)."

—Boyd K. Packer, "I Will Remember Your Sins No More," Ensign, May 2006, 27-28

I think the meaning of my Savior's Atonement were particularly impressed upon my mind. All to often in the day to day grind, I forget the power and the gift the Atonement offers to everyone. When all the unimportant stuff melts away and things are put into sharp perspective, I realize the Love our Heavenly Father has for each of us, and that he gave His Only Begotten Son, who suffered ALL our sins and ALL our pain, so that one day we could be succored and forgiven, if we so choose.
"The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means--total, complete, all, forever. President Boyd K. Packer has taught: 'There is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ' ("The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 20)."

"The Atonement Can Clean, Reclaim, and Sanctify Our Lives," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 33-34

"Just as the lame man at the pool of Bethesda needed someone stronger than himself to be healed (see John 5:1-9), so we are dependent on the miracles of Christ's atonement if our souls are to be made whole from grief, sorrow, and sin."
--Merrill J. Bateman, "The Power to Heal from Within", Ensign, May 1995, 13

As I sat down yesterday with my own little family and we read together, I thought about how many times I've failed to show my love for them, and all the ways I fall short of being a good wife and mother to them, and I thought to myself, I'm glad I learned these valuable lessons this weekend, and I hope that they will always stay with me, so that I will keep my priorities straight.

My ultra talented brother Eric put together this video of photos he took of BJ's funeral if anyone from my family hasn't received an email with the link, just click above.